I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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