Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
