it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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