i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
