Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
