I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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