I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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