I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
