Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
