I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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