so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize