I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
