When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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