He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
