The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
