The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
