you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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