Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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