I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize