i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
