why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
