put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
