Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
