I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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