she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
