Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize