I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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