i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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