our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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