I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
accomplished twins. life is a go
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just high enough for therapy.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
