and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
