is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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