i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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