I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
