Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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