There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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