I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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