i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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