haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My liver just broke up with me...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
