There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
