That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
