"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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