ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
