Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
