dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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