Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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