Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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