Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
