I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize