i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
