READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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