I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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