i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
