cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
