She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
