im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize