She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
