pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
