The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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