your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
