Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
