my phone needs a breathalizer
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize