you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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