Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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