I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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