I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
