Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
